Tuesday, May 31, 2005
I MISSED YA'LL!
Motherfucker! I missed you guys so fucking much!Being stuck at home without access to the internet for 4 fucking days SUCKED ASSHOLES!
I am back though. I had a fabulous weekend and will post pictures when I get my computer fixed.
I got to see my ex fucking ugly motherfucking husband Friday night at graduation. As my dad and I were walking down the football field to get to the other family that we were meeting I said to him.."I hope I don't see one fucking person that I know here tonight" Well guess what? I only saw 1 person and that person was HIM. Of course Mr. Pissy was not with me, he was home with all the kids. Well my Aunt and her husband know my ex husband and are still pretty good friends with him so they had invited him to come see my niece graduate. So almost as it was over I hear my Aunt's husband say.."Aww..hell there is Brandon, come here boy" I turned around really quick not believing what I had just heard and sure the fuck enough it was him. My dad LOVES him and thinks we should have stayed married so he gave my dad a big hug and all the rest of my family. I just kind of stood there ignoring him and he finally starts to talk to me. I haven't seen him in over 6 years so talk about weird. But I think I needed to see him because it just brought back all the reasons that I left him to begin with. Everyone always thought he was so cute on the outside and he was wonderful to me..I just couldn't deal with certain things about him and here are some of those things.
1. When I had sex with him, I felt like I was screwing my brother. I don't have a brother but if I did that is what it would have felt like I would guess.
2. His penis didn't work well. It worked VERY VERY quickly and that is all I will say about that.
3. The first time I ever had sex with him I CRIED FOR HOURS. I was so disgusted and I STILL FUCKING MARRIED HIM 3 years later.
4. He has the nastiest teeth on this side of the Smokey Mountains. He dipped tobacco and refused to brush his teeth half the time. I DO NOT DO NASTY FUCKING MOUTH. NO NO NO!
5. He looked in the mirror more than I did.
6. He has a huge gross big ole nasty fucking MOLE in the corner of his eye and in the last 6 years it has grown about 10 times bigger than I remember it. I don't know how he can fucking see with that big motherfucker in the way. I mean I have moles but this is one of them real gross hanging down ones that jiggle and shit.
So those are just a few things that made me tell him I wanted a divorce. Well he is re-married now and so am I. Of course we never had kids together but now he also has 2 step kids and 1 of his own. Isn't it funny how things turn out. Hope she likes his SWIFTY penis and stank ass teeth. I think I will go vomit now.
15 Comments:
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Random and Odd commented at 10:09 AM~
And the perfect 'i'm back' post!
PERFECT.-
Kathryn commented at 10:43 AM~
Mrs. Pissy,
I MISSED YOU!
Glad you're back from the land of hometowns and ex-husbands, and glad you now have a man who doesn't have such a quick draw pecker.-
Pissy Britches commented at 11:01 AM~
Yes girl me too. THANK the lord for that.
I am glad to be back also and I missed all of you A FUCKING TON!-
its just ME commented at 3:16 PM~
ROFL
I don't post comments all that often, BUT DAMN, this one was just too fuckin funny not to say so
Welcome back!!-
commented at 3:52 PM~
OMG I bout pissed myself!
Quick Draw McGraw...OH DEAR DEAR DEAR!!!
How can ya look at him without focusing on the mole? Lordy!!
Glad you had a good weekend always good to go home to your roots but shit, its better to get the fuck out when ya can!-
dashababy commented at 6:24 PM~
You were missed, thats for sure. Aghh, you were pretty descriptive about the ex. Im sorry, you had to have one of those icky awkward moments. I always hold my breath in those situations. I dont even know Im doing it until its over and Im turning blue. The past has a way of coming back when you least expect it. Mine always seems to be when I go to Costco and NO MAKE-UP.
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commented at 6:54 PM~
Yay! Pissy is fucking back!
OMFG! My gay ex was the same way. Eventually, he told me he'd read something about how to make it last longer, but by then I was on so damn many anti-depressants I couldn't have cared less. I had to have two vicodin, a valium and a bottle of wine so I wouldn't feel anything. ICK!
and the teeth! ewwwwwwwww!
(you might see a similar comment twice - I thought I saw my first attempt actually posted. For whatever reason, I came back, and it was gone....)-
Elizabeth commented at 7:02 PM~
Do you not just love when you see an ex and you are like "what the fuck sort of crack was I on when I let that touch me and have sex with me?"
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Tina commented at 10:34 PM~
I agree with the fonz, you described my sons dad, but you left out the dope and the abuse. I hope I never see him again.
I am glad you are back.-
Pissy Britches commented at 8:57 AM~
Oh god..he was just so gross. I still can't get over it.
He acts just like he did when he was 22. It was probably the last time I will ever see him in my life..and I am glad.-
Jessica commented at 5:27 PM~
Good for you for finding someone who deserves you! Nasty-ass teeth? that would be my ex as well. Although his penis was not as swift i sure wished it was!!! ICK!!!
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The Merry Widow commented at 12:03 AM~
HILARIOUS!!! I can totally picture that mole, as large as a brussel sprout, just jiggling about while he talks. GROSS!!!
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NML/Natalie commented at 7:44 AM~
Hi. I found you from HDL's and I just had to say that this post was f*cking hilarious. Your ex sounds so f*cked up! I'm not *quite* sure why you married him but I am so delighted that you left the mole, I mean ex. I would have cried like a f*cking baby every day if I was you!
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Pissy Britches commented at 8:16 AM~
Well I am glad I could give everyone a laugh for the day. I am telling you it was fucking disgusting. I wish I would have taken a picture of it or something so I could share with you but I didn't figure that would be appropriate. I guess his new wife will just have to deal with his ailing penis and jiggly eye mole.
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Torrie commented at 10:11 AM~
Wait, so you don't like you Ex?
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