MRS. PISSY BRITCHES

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

August 9th SUCKS

I guess I really shouldn't be talking about this but today will be 10 years that my Mom died. Every year about this time I seem to get a little down. I find myself not thinking about her as much as the years go by but when this day comes it is hard..I never will forget this day 10 years ago. It was by far the worst day of my entire life. To find out that the mother that nutured you, loved you and took care of you is gone is almost to much to deal with.
Most of you already know the story but in case you don't my mom committed suicide 10 years ago today. I know you are thinking how fucked up is that but really it was total shock. I never would have thought she would do it, she never acted depressed, she never acted anything other than "normal" in fact, she was always the strong one in my life. She was my rock. I wasn't extremely close to her like I am my Dad but she was still my mother.
It is so hard trying to think of what I will tell my daughter one day when August 9th comes around and I am sad or crying and she ask me what is wrong. What do you say? There is a picture of her on the wall at home and she points at it sometimes and I just don't know what to say to her.

The only good thing about it is that my daughter was born on August 10th so tomorrow she will officially be 2 and I will have a reason to smile once again.

link | posted by Pissy Britches at Tuesday, August 09, 2005

11 Comments:

Charlotte in Pa commented at 8:56 AM~: Big hugs across the blogosphere to you, Pissy! I'm sorry this is a tough day for you. Isn't it cool that your daughter's birthday comes so close after to cheer you up? As far as what to tell her... you tell her as much as she can handle. Start with "That is your grandmother. She's not here anymore." When she can understand it, "She died years ago." Then when she can handle it, "She took her own life." I think you'll be surprised how understanding she'll be when she's a teen and you can explain it to her. You're going to be such a kick-ass mom that she'll get how hard it must have been for you to lose your own mother. I'll bet she's all kinds of comfort to you! We love you, Pissy - chin up and all of that shit!
dashababy commented at 9:58 AM~: (((hugs))) I love you and admire you for your strength. The fact that you can even write about it is amazing. You are a strong lady and a survivor.
Pissy Britches commented at 10:28 AM~: Thanks guys. I seriously don't know what I would do without you.
It is a very hard day for me and you always make me feel better.
Thank you. Seriously.
Kathryn commented at 12:00 PM~: Pissy, you tell lil Miss Pissy that the lady in the picture is her Grandmother who loves her from Heaven. As she gets older, you'll tell her all of the good things about her that you can remember. And then you'll tell her exactly what Charlotte said.

You're Mom was in pain.
She ended her pain and she's not in pain anymore.
People make all kinds of choices during their lives; your Mom made a choice how to finish out hers. Hard as it is to understand or even accept, it was her decision and she must have had her reasons.

The important thing to remember is that whatever it was that was causing her pain is not causing her pain anymore. We leave all of our human pain behind us when we return home to our complete spiritual selves.

She's okay.
You're okay.
Lil Miss Pissy is okay.

It's okay to be sad girl.
I love your crazy ass.
Random and Odd commented at 12:03 PM~: Oh girly girl. *SUPER BIG HUGS*

How about this...this will be the day I don't pick on you.

:)
Icylyrics commented at 5:37 PM~: Ms. Pissy, I think I stumbled here from Danielle's Blog, but you know what's ironic. My mommy died July 10th exactly 10 years ago, when I was 9 mnths prego with my daughter. It's rough I know, but you are strong. Tell your daughter about your mother, reflecting on the good times. In due time she will understand your tears.

I firmly beleive nothing is ever taken without something being granted. You'll be in my prayers on this day, and happy birthday to the lil lady.
Pissy Britches commented at 8:08 PM~: Thanks everyone for your fabulous wishes! The day is almost over and I am OK, I made it..I didn't cry once.
HDL-Yes, you are exactly right and that is how I look at it. For all the bad there is always good. Like not even 10 minutes ago McKenna counted to 10 all by her fucking self. I AM ABOUT TO PEE MYSELF I am so excited.
Pissy Britches commented at 8:09 PM~: Icylyrics-Thank you for visiting my site and for your kind words!
Anonymous commented at 4:41 AM~: Aw Pissy. I can't really say anymore than I'm sorry. I agree with HDL though-I think in some ways maybe your mom gave you your daughter. When my nephew died-the day of his funeral I found out I was pregnant. In some wierd way-I thought maybe my nephew gave me my son to help ease the pain. I'll choose to believe this is the same with your mom and Lil Miss Pissy. No words can really ease the pain you feel at this anniversary date of sorts, but just know we all care.
Amy commented at 9:46 AM~: I am two days late but I just wanted to say hey and send you a virtual hug. I remember when you posted that picture of your mom's purse a while ago and that image stayed with me for a long time. You take care.
The Merry Widow commented at 1:21 PM~: I'm late reading this post!!! I'm so so so so so sorry about your mom. Please know that I love you and that I'm thinking of you and that I think you have the cutest little pissy daughter ever and that your totally a fabulous mom.

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