Saturday, September 17, 2005
The Story Of The Stuffed Turtle
Picture this.
There was once a girl named KRISTINE and she was a HOOKER ASS BITCH...
Leave Kristine's house at 11:30 am for 12:30 pm flight back to Tennessee..(after having 4 hours sleep)
Get to airport in Sacremento..
Buy another piece of luggage to put all the shit I bought in California and get it back home
Catch flight to Dallas/Ft. Worth (sit beside the most god damned abnoxious 4 year old girl that I have ever met, by the time the flight was over I wanted to choke her with my bare fucking hands)
Arrive at Dallas/Ft. Worth (appox. 5:30 pm)
Eat (see little snotty 4 year old girl again as I am waiting to eat, starts shouting "hey, why aren't you coming with us, come on...)
Starbucks (sooooo sllleeepppyyy)
Catch flight to Nashville 6:30 pm
Arrive in Nashville 10:00 pm
Wait appox. 30 minutes for luggage and Mr. Pissy to arrive
1 hour drive from airport to home
Home at 11:30 pm after a long motherfucking day..TIRED..oh so TIRED..
Start to unpack stuff.
Open suitcase..start pulling out clothes..
SEE THIS FUCKING STUFFED TURTLE HIDDEN UP UNDERNEATH ALL MY CLOTHES..SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME...PISS MYSELF..SCREAM REALLY LOUD...FREAK HUSBAND OUT...
16 anxiety attacks later after realizing that it isn't real..Wonder where the fuck this thing came from...
Think OH GOD...what if I picked it up while I was packing my shit and Kristine thinks I STOLE IT FROM HER..
Convince myself that I stole this turtle from her (accidentally of course)
Next day...post comment on her blog that I have her Stuffed Turtle..I don't know how I made it home with it..and to let me know if she wants me to mail it back. (Still thinking I did this and stole one of her kids fucking favorite stuffed animals)
No reply..nothing..notta...figure she is pissed at me for stealing the god damned turtle..
1 week later as we are talking on instant messenger..she says to me..
"Oh yeh, the turtle..I put it in your suitcase..I wanted you to have something from here to take home with you"
Fuck.
Thanks for scaring the holy shit out of me you CRAZY BIATCH!
Good news is, McKenna loves it. She plays with it everyday.
11 Comments:
-
NML/Natalie commented at 2:21 PM~
You are too funny! I can't believe how much you shit yourself over the stuffed toy! Sorry I meant pissed yourself ;-)
-
Candy commented at 4:02 PM~
Ok totally not turtle related...
VINCE NEIL FELL OFF THE STAGE AND BROKE HIS LEG!!!!
Totally true. He was singing, leaned over to sing with some people in the crowd, slipped and fell and broke his leg!!!
Your so lucky you saw them when you did! I had to tell you, I thought you would want to know.-
Pissy Britches commented at 4:30 PM~
Jessica-
He didn't break his leg.
He just ripped some muscles in his leg and the show will go on.
Believe me..I have been following that shit since Friday night...
Check it out...
http://www.motley.com/news/index.php?mode=full&news_id=345-
Pissy Britches commented at 4:31 PM~
I want to get in my fucking car and go to MEMPHIS TONIGHT!
They are playing there.
I am so jealous!-
Renee commented at 5:43 PM~
I could just see the fit you threw scared as hell!LOL
Glad the little miss likes it though, it only about gave mama a freakin heart attck!LOL-
Nessa commented at 8:41 PM~
I love that I get to see the turtle!!!
-
Random and Odd commented at 11:31 PM~
OMG...you're so funny.
I just got home. LONG story. Dear Lord am I happy to be home!-
The Merry Widow commented at 11:00 AM~
Hey, at least she didn't put her sister's underware in your suitcase. (Or whoever's underware it was that they're always hiding. I forget.)
-
Random and Odd commented at 3:23 PM~
MW- That would have been SO funny!
-
Pissy Britches commented at 8:43 PM~
I don't want to dirty ass panties in my luggage.
Ewww...-
Pissy Britches commented at 8:44 PM~
Mel-Yes..be glad you missed out on this one. They did reschedule it for OCT 2006?? Long fucking time away but hell, I might actually make it to that one myself! It would only be a few hours away.
Want to Post a Comment?