Monday, October 03, 2005
Random Story-Neighbor Chick (IT IS A LONG STORY)
Let me just tell you about my neighbor chick. Her name is Christy, I think.??First of all, she is a single mom of 2 and has her kids about half the time and even less time than that lately. Most of the time she is gone for like days at a time so we keep an eye on her place even though she didn't ask me to but because I am a fucking nosey stalker bitch. She is nice but she ain't the brightest light in the shed. And OH HELL..if you think I am country..this girl beats me by like 20 egg cartons. My husband actually knows her a lot better than I do because he has lived here 10 or 11 years. I have only lived in my husband and his ex-wifes house for 3 years.
To start, she was married to a guy who cheated on her with not ONE but BOTH of her SISTERS (yes, blood related SISTERS)..over and over and over and over again (AND SHE KNEW IT WAS HAPPENING) until she finally kicked him out where he now happily resides in his new trailer park with his new toothless wife.
About 6 months ago she had been gone a few days and we saw smoke coming out of her house..and the alarm was going off. No one in our neighborhood has an alarm and we are lucky to lock our doors at night so this in itself kind of freaked us out. We called the fire department and they broke up in her house and found a piece of bread in the toaster oven burning the fuck UP. Almost burnt her whole damn house down. Come to find out when she got her ass home and thanked us for calling 911, her ex husband (yeh, the one that poked both her sisters) was an alarm installer guy and when he lived there he installed an alarm on their house. She had no idea that it even worked because he moved out 5 years ago (after bonking the 2nd sister) and she hadn't paid the fucking bill since.
So you get the point, she is pretty entertaining. Hell I don't know anyone around here so what else do I have to talk about.
Lately though she has been asking my honey to come over and fix all her shit and do this and do that and help her start her lawnmower and help her pressure wash her house and help her wipe her ass..blah blah blah..which whatever..CHILD SUPPORT ROCKS and my husband thinks she is a dumb ass bitch ho anyways.
She also likes to play what Mr. Pissy and I call the lawnmower game. She mows her yard and if I could possibly explain to you what a bad, bad lawn mowing chick she is I would but I don't think I can. Let's just put it this way, if you got on your riding lawn mower and just rode around like a 2 year old in her Barbie Jeep this is how chick mows her yard. It is really hilarious. She NEVER- EVER-FUCKING- EVER- NEVER mows her yard unless we mow ours. If Mr. Pissy starts mowing here she comes not long after asking him to start her mower for her.
This was the case this afternoon. I arrived home at 6 oclock and she was out mowing. Since our grass was freshly mowed she HAD TO GET IT ALL DONE TONIGHT. Sooo...It is now 8:04 pm and crazy bitch just got finished mowing. I swear to gawd if I had the nerve I would have taken a picture of her crazy ass out IN THE DARK FOR THE LAST HOUR WITH HER little fucking headlights on her mower..mowing away. We don't have street lights where I live people, it was pitch fucking dark except for her little lawnmower headlights. She finished that shit by god, in the dark..
I can't wait to see what it looks like in the morning.
I am sure she is over posting on her blog how she is sick of seeing my fat ass come out of the house in my nightgown and a towel on my head at 6:30 in the morning to smoke a Marlboro.
Hey, what are neighbors for huh? Gotta spread the love.
Welcome to my hillbilly world.
13 Comments:
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Kami commented at 8:52 PM~
Please, please, I want pictures!
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Elizabeth commented at 9:41 PM~
Oh come on, just take a picture. If she is as stupid as you think, she will have no clue what the fuck you are doing anyway.
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Chickie commented at 2:22 AM~
If you'll post a picture, I'll post one of my anal neighbor leafblowing during a hurricane.
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Michele in Michigan commented at 8:13 AM~
OMFG--I can picture the whole 2yr old in the Barbie Jeep thing LOLOL.
In all seriousness, though. I would be VERY leery of this bitch and how she interacts with your husband. My radar is going off BIG time, and I am usually one perceptive bitch!
Not to make life difficult for Mr. Pissy, but men aren't necessarily the best judge of a woman's motives. Even if they think she is a skank ho-bag, they are still impressed with her good taste & wisdom in selecting THEM to help them with their shit.
My best friend had a skank-ho neighbor like that. Skank had the hubby doing all sorts of shit around her house. He fixed HER pipes, and the rest is history. Of course, he was a skank himself and my friend shoulda dumped his ass LONNNNNG before this.
Just watch this bitch, 'sall I'm sayin'.
Oh, and take PICTURES of her hillbilly ass for us hehehe-
Amy commented at 8:42 AM~
Pissy, you rock me world. I love all this shit.
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Weetzie commented at 10:08 AM~
This is hilarious! I wish I could see her out there mowin in the dark!
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Networkchic commented at 1:36 PM~
Do you live in Arkansas?
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Random and Odd commented at 3:24 PM~
Did I ever tell you about the time I had my neighbor starting my mower? Did I mention after awhile I had him mowing it?
coming from one ho, about another ho...watch her.-
Pissy Britches commented at 4:29 PM~
Ok..my husband is totally fucking her.
NOT..
I just want her to MOVE.
Yall are scaring me. I trust my hubby. :(-
Margaret commented at 6:11 PM~
oh wow...lol...and pics are a must...LOL...
peace...-
Firestarter5 commented at 7:12 PM~
How the fuck did a slice of bread end up in her toaster if she wasn't home?
What am I missing here?.....-
Pissy Britches commented at 8:05 PM~
Because she put the bread in the toaster oven and left to take her kids to a fucking ballgame.
Nice.-
Shelli commented at 2:03 PM~
OMG take a goddamn picture what in hells name ya waitin for ya ho!
lol. omfg that was so friggin funny, i can almost HEAR you reading that post as you typed. fucken hysterical. now take the damn picture....take it from your window if yuo have to, take it from the side of her, or the back, as scary as that might be, when she's not looking! bwahahhahahah~! omg too much! ya kill me!
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