Saturday, April 29, 2006
Another Life Lesson for Pissy
Well, I am going to share something that was until this week weighing on my mind very heavily.Let me just start by saying that when I was younger I could hide things and secrets and not feel one bit guilty about it. Now that I am older my conscience gets the best of me and I am finding that when you hide things..fucking stupid things that the only person you are punishing is yourself b/c eventually you will either tell you secret or die of a fucking stroke from worrying about keeping the secret that was pathetic to begin with.
The reason I am sharing this with you is b/c secrets suck and I know that probably some of you have been in the same situation as me or may be in that situation now.
I have always been totally honest with Mr. Pissy about everything. Maybe too honest at times. I think this is why this ate away at me for 2 years until the anxiety was just too much to handle for me. I was raised better than to hide shit from the people I love and like I said...I was punishing myself more than anyone.
So on to the secret. When Mr. Pissy and I met 7 years ago I had some credit card debt, I was 23 years old and stupid and had been married to a ding ass that loved to use credit cards as much as I did. Luckily when I left my 1st husband I left most of the debt with him b/c he made more money than I did and I had a 500 a month car note at the time. I think I was making maybe 20 K a year then, when I left him so you can imagine how my honkey ass was struggling to survive after leaving him. When I met Mr. Pissy I had this debt and when we first met we were SOOOO poor. Between child support he was paying to that psycho ass ex of his and all my credit card debt which was only a few thousand dollars but that is a lot when they are all department store cards with 23 percent interest rates. You get my drift. So in the next couple of years I transferred all those balances onto a 0% card so I could get it paid off. At that time I had never paid anything off in my life. As time went on Mr. Pissy got sick of me paying it so we just paid it off when we got our income tax one year and that was the end of it. That was probably 3 years ago. I could have paid it off if I would have just put in more effort but the new shoes, clothes and handbags were always calling my fucking name and I couldn't resist.
Yeh, I am not a fucking genius..I assume you knew that already. So we closed the account and end of story.
Well, that was suppose to be the end of the story but obviously it wasn't or I wouldn't be fucking typing this. Again, it feels so stupid to even type this when people have so much bigger things than this. Believe me, I have been there too. But the way this shit ate away at me was UNBELIEVABLE.
My bank was offering a card with a very low interest rate so what did I do. Signed up for another card..I told Mr. Pissy that I had the card but I gave the card to him to "keep" from me. He kept it in his wallet all these years thinking it had never even been activated. During the last 2-3 years I racked up almost 5 grand on that bitch without him ever knowing about it. I have no idea what I bought, no idea..which is the case most of the time with most people. I used it mostly when I didn't need to use it. I had the $$ for it but charged it anyway. It got insane and ate away at me so bad. I thought I could pay it off before Mr. Pissy would know but you know how that goes. It was a low priority for me because the shoe store was calling my name or Target and I would rather spend the money that I have there instead paying something more important. Genius. I know.
What made it all worse is that when we paid the debt off from the last card is Mr. Pissy HATES debt. We are in no debt other than our home and cars. He hates, hates, hates, credit cards. HATES them. He told me that last time that he would NEVER do this again..he was not happy about it..but I wasn't happy about having to live in an apartment while he supported his ex wife either. You get my drift.
So, I was terrified..and as stupid as it sounds. I actually had myself convinced that he would divorce me over it or leave me or it would ruin our relationship if I ever told him. I was just fucking terrified. I am a HUGE worry wart as it is and hiding shit is just not good for the soul you know.
I don't know if any of you have been watching Big Love the new show on HBO about the dude with 3 wives but Chloe is the 2nd wife and she has also been hiding the same secret from the husband except hers is an overwhelming 60 GRAND. Anyway, they have been having all these scenes about it on the show and Mr. Pissy and I watch that show together so everytime I would feel like shit when I watched it b/c I knew I was doing the same thing. All though it is no where near that amout it is still a lie that I was living and I just couldn't do it anymore.
Monday night when he got home from scouts we were talking and it just hit me that I HAD to tell him. I just had to. I know I looked terrifed but I got up and shut the bedroom door and told him that I had something to tell him. Then the look of terror crossed his face like I have never seen. I know he was freaking out at that point and I was already bawling my fucking eyes out from all the guilt and shit I had been feeling. I just simply told him that I was back in credit card debt and had been hiding it from him for the last few years. Of course his first question was "HOW MUCH" and I told him and you know what.
He was totally cool.
Totally supportive.
He hugged me and told me it was ok and offered to pay it off RIGHT then. (we don't share finances, everything is seperate)
I denied. I will pay this one off myself. I don't care if it takes me 50 fucking years.
He was wonderful to me. Of course he was hurt b/c I hadn't told him.
He held me as I cried and cried and apologized to him for making the same mistake again that I promised I would never make.
He thought I was totally silly for ever thinking he would leave me over something like this.
Of course I kept thinking to myself..tomorrow when he wakes up and starts thinking about this he is gonna be pissed and we will end up in fucking marriage therapy b/c of something stupid that I DID. Because I am a pessimist and always think the worst.
He assured me that it wouldn't happen.
I heart him, so much.
The only thing that he ask is that I call the bank and cancel the card. The card had expired 6 months ago and I hadn't used it in that time and they never sent me another card THANK GOD but I called the bank and cancelled it the next day.
And the bitch at Bank of America. IF YOU ARE READING THIS...I know your job is to try to "save" my business. But when I tell you I want to cancel the fucking card..just DO IT. This bitch literally kept me on the phone for 20 minutes giving me her spill. I am in Sales, I do it for a living. Once someone says NO 3 times..END OF STORY..do not keep running your big hole. Fuck. People piss me off.
So, that was just one day out of my life this week and thank GOD it is over. I am so relieved. I don't believe I will be possessing another credit card for A LONG time if EVER. Obviously I am still not grown up enough to be responsible with one. Isn't that sad?
What is sad that I spent so much time and effort worrying about it. That is what is sad. So ladies my suggestions would be..whatever you are hiding, if you love that person. Tell them. Just do it. Unless you are the god damned devil and can keep that shit to yourself for the rest of your life which won't be very long b/c that shit stresses YOU OUT.
Hugs and Loves..
PISSY
18 Comments:
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commented at 6:09 PM~
Mr Pissy is a good man!
He probably thought you were gonna leave him or something the way you were crying and needing to talk to him behind a closed door. He loves ya....he's a good guy.
Now I'm like Mr Pissy-I hate credit cards and debt. Honey is like you-I just found out last month he had credit cards that I knew nothing about. But he pays the bills so he knows what he's doing I guess I don't ask.
Glad to hear you're feeling better about the whole situation..I'm sure it'll be ok.....-
commented at 6:09 PM~
Oh yeah...and I....I was first you bitches..so take that!
Pfft.-
pack of 2 commented at 6:52 PM~
So glad you got that off your chest...sounds like it was eaing you up so good for you.
Credit is hard to manage...I think most peeps have gotten in over their head at some point. The banks are counting on that ya know.
Glad you got it all cleared up! He knows you are great...don't be so hard on yourself;)
Shelly-
Summer commented at 7:24 PM~
OK well then I'm third you HAB. Wow, Pissy, he's a great guy and you are just as wonderful. I wish I had that sort of relationship with Otis. He keeps many things from me, one cost me *my* house years ago. Mine. Bought with money my dad left me. Gone. I had to stick it out with him because I had no job at the time, no way to make money, to live, to breathe. Secrets and lies are horrible. A horrible way to live. I know that you and your guy will be stronger for this. You must be dancing on a cloud right about now.
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Pissy Britches commented at 7:51 PM~
Thanks my HAB's.
You guys are the reason I keep telling you all my secrets.hahaha.
The sad thing is..I can't think of what I bought..anything. I cannot look around and see anything that I purchased with it. WTF.
I am just glad it is over. I think I can pay it off in the next few months if I just pay it. Luckily I don't make 20 K anymore.
haha.
And yes, Mr. Pissy is a good man and he reads this so keep givin him LOVE. His wife did make a big stupid fucking mistake so feel free tell everyone.-
ac commented at 10:10 PM~
Pissy,
It must have taken a lot of courage to close that door and fess up like that. I'm so impressed with you for having the guts to do that!
I'm doubly impressed with Mr. Pissy for the way he handled himself. In my most humble opinion, you got yourself one very special guy there!
I've been reading your blog for awhile and hope to one day qualify as one of your full fledged HAB's. I can't imagine any better company. ac-
Elizabeth commented at 10:51 PM~
I always suspected that Mr. Pissy was a good dude. :)
Girl, that shit happens to the best of us. I have no doubt you will pay it off. I mean, sometimes we have to learn our lessons a couple times, ya know? Once just does not do it. I know I am like that with some stuff. You did the right thing by telling him though.
Big hugs to the Pissy house. :)-
Kami commented at 11:11 PM~
Wow. Good for you, girl. Mr. Pissy is a keeper.
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Kate Giovinco Photography commented at 11:28 PM~
Mr Pissy rocks! Secrets stress me out to. I have too big of a conscience!
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Shelli commented at 6:27 PM~
You got a good man....
HAB-
Chickie commented at 9:38 PM~
Deja vu! I had a conversation with my husband just like this not too long ago. It is scary.
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dashababy commented at 10:29 AM~
Damn, I love that show "Big Love". They have totally drawn me in like a fly in a trap! I love it!
Good for you Steph for coming clean. It's good to get that shit out in the open. You'll be fine sweetie. Mr. Pissy is probably just glad you didn't do something alot worse like, oh say, have an affair!! He probably thought the worst when you said you had to talk to him. LOL. I'm sorry, I know it's not funny but you know when someone says they have to talk to you, my mind automatically thinks the worst.
I heart you, you HAB.
Thanks for the B-day wishes. xoxox-
Monogram Queen commented at 1:22 PM~
Girl I have been there in close respect also. Secrets DO eat at you and when I came clean it felt like the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I am SO glad you did it. Yay for you!
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commented at 4:30 PM~
I was in debt up to my eyeballs recently too. I didn't have to tell anyone but I come from a long line of "cash only" family so just knowing I had it sucked big time.
Lucky for me I got a bonus this year so it's gone. But tuition has gone up yet again so I suspect I will be carrying a balance again. Hopefully not such a large one though. It's a never ending vicious cycle.
You've got a good man. Hold him tight.-
Sue commented at 7:11 PM~
yeah yeah-- you are brave and Mr P is cool--- the best part of this post is finding someone else who watches Big Love. I Big Love that show and Charlotte doesn't watch! Just kiddin sweetie- big hugs from one former secret keeper to another.
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Michele in Michigan commented at 11:18 PM~
awwwwwww
So glad you got that off your chest. That Mr Pissy is a KEEPER-
Charlotte in Pa commented at 4:38 PM~
I bet it felt sooooo good to just tell him and be done with it. It's cool that you're insisting on paying it back yourself, too. NOT that you are anything like this, but... my sister is constantly getting in financial trouble, then hiding it until it's at the breaking point (she's going to lose her car.. or her house... or... whatever). And then one of us bails her out. I stopped bailing her out a few years ago, though... I figure she needs to learn this lesson. Eventually the rest of my family will get tired of it, too. ANYWAY - good for you. And Mr. Pissy rocks!
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Tina commented at 6:23 PM~
You cracked under pressure, you HAB. But I bet you feel alot better, don't you?
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