MRS. PISSY BRITCHES

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The Conspiracy Against Me...

Ok heres the story. Just pay attention mmmkay b/c it's a long one.

So this was our 5 year anniversary and of course being the bitch I am I had hinted that I wanted a 3 stone anniversary ring and Mr. Pissy being the cheap ass that he is informed me that I would not be getting a this for our 5th anniversary b/c this is a present he wants to save for at least the 20 year anniversary b/c he knows I don't want one with chips in it..I want the real mamma jamma….

So last week I got home from Kentucky for the weekend and Monday goes by fine and all is good.

Tuesday goes by fine too and I get a call at work from Mr. Pissy asking me what I want for our anniversary and I tell him that he can get me whatever and that this year I am actually going to let him pick out what he wants to buy me instead of telling him what to buy me which is what we both usually do. The only thing suspicious looking back on it was that late that night he told me he was going to Walgreens to pick up his prescription and Walgreens is 10 minutes from our house and he came back 2 hours later. Yeh, I found that a little weird but I didn't think ANYTHING about it at the time.

(BTW..I had already purchased him a Mont Blanc pen that he had been wanting and I spent HELLLLLLA cash on it so I was really really excited about giving it to him b/c he has always wanted one.)

Well, Wednesday was when things started to get a little wacky at the Pissy househould.
Every night I iron what I am going to wear for the next day and am always prepared.
I went to get the pants I knew I wanted to wear and they were no were to be found. I don't have that many clothes so when something is missing..I know it is missing.
So this was about 9pm last Wednesday night..so then I start noticing more and more stuff missing and I am just LIVID b/c I can't find any of my clothes and since I had been in Kentucky the weekend prior and Mr. Pissy had done the laundry I figured he had ruined some of my good clothes in the washer and that he had thrown them away thinking I wouldn't notice. I was walking around the house for AT LEAST an hour looking for my shit and couldn't find it ANYWHERE. I even went upstairs in the attic to look and NOTHING. So, the thing that was making me even madder about this was that Mr. Pissy and Spencer were sitting on the couch chatting and NO ONE would help me try to find my clothes. I couldn't find ANYTHING that I wanted to wear on Thursday so I was just so mad. I can't even tell you. I also go to Ashtin's room and wake her up and look thru all her clothes to make sure that mine didn't get mixed in with hers in the laundry. After asking Mr. Pissy numerous times where my shit was he offered NO HELP or INFO at which time I informed him that I thought he ruined them and threw them away. He stays calm and tells me that he did not ruin them and that he washed everything that was in the basket and hung it up as I had requested.

So after about an hour of looking and stomping and being ILL I came up with nothing, notta ZERO..so I finally picked out something that I totally hated and took my ass to bed madder than hell.

Thursday morning (the actual day of our anniversary) I get up and I just just went shopping and bought McKenna a lot of new clothes the week prior for fall. So I am looking thru her new clothes trying to find an outfit for her to wear Thursday and the outfit that I know I just bought is MISSING..and then I start noticing more and more of her clothes missing. Again, I am freaking out that I can't find ANYTHING I am looking for. So I spend a few minutes looking and NOTHING. I was so confued by this point I can't even tell you.

So Thursday all goes well during the day and I get home from work and everything starts getting really weird. Mr. Pissy is always picking up dinner for us on the way home since we both get home so late that we sometimes don't have time and don't feel like cooking but for some odd reason he has not brought home dinner nor is his ass in the kitchen cooking dinner so I ask him what he wants to do about dinner b/c we do have 3 kids to feed. He informs me just to go fix whatever. So I end up cooking Tuna Helper on my anniversary for the whole family. I would have normally been a little ticked off about this but Mr. Pissy and I had already decided that we would celebrate on Satruday night and go out to eat etc. So anyways, in the process of cooking Tuna Helper I go out to the car and grab his present that I have been so excited about giving him and give it to him and he opens it while I am jumping up and down acting like an idiot. He of course loved it and he goes to get my present. I open my present and it is a little black box and I open it and it has a ring inside. But let me just give you a visual here. 3 stone anniversary ring it is NOT. It is a 3 CHIP ring that is so tiny that you can't even see it on my fucking finger. I of course acted as if I LOVED IT and acted like it was the best present ever and put it on my finger and would have NEVER told him that this was not exactly what I had in mind when I said 3 stone anniversary ring. Oh, if I would have only known the trickery that was involved in that one.

So I get up on Friday morning to a very rainy ugly day and wear my new bubble gum machine ring to work and get to work and everyone ask me how he liked his pen b/c they all saw it and knew I was giving it to him and I told them he loved it etc..blah..blah..blah.

So the next question is what did he get me?

I just looked at them and said I don't want to talk about it. I was almost in tears at that point but I showed it to everyone and the look on their face was priceless. Probably a lot like the look on my face when it was given to me.

So we always have a sales meeting at 9am on Friday morning so I am trying to get ready for this meeting and get my report to my boss who little did I know was in on this WHOLE FUCKING SCHEME.

So he is bitching at me to get my report into him.

I am sitting at my desk working away and who comes up behind me?

Mr. Pissy..the rest is like this..

He says "let's go"

I say "what are you talking about?, why are you here?, what is going on?, did something happen to one of the kids?, have you lost your fucking mind, I have a Sales Meeting in 2 minutes and I am trying to get my report done"

He then says to me "the ring was a joke, we are going to NYC, get up and let's go"

I still continue to argue with him and I am crying at this point..freaking out. What the hell is he doing here?? NYC? WTF are you talking about?

Then he informs me that my clothes are packed and in the car and that our plane leaves in 2 hours and we have to go so to get my ass in the car.

Everyone that I work with is standing around watching me cry and him try to pry me out of my chair and they are laughing their asses off and my friend Nikki who has also been in on this with him the WHOLE TIME says to me "GIRL, HE IS NOT KIDDING, GET YOUR ASS UP AND GO"

So I finally agree to get up and we get in the car and I am sobbing and asking him 20 million questions and freaking out.

Let me just tell you that to get away for a weekend when you have 3 kids in nearly impossible even if BOTH parties taking the trip know about it but him pulling it off by himself was a miracle.

He had called my Daddy (Gran Sissy) and he had gotten him to watch McKenna for the weekend. Well, my Dad's long time roomate Jimmy works right up the street from our house so Mr. Pissy had left extra early on Friday morning and stopped at Jimmy's work and installed the car seat in his car and put McKenna's clothes and all her stuff for the weekend in Jimmy's car. He had worked it out with the Director at her daycare center for her to be picked up by Jimmy that day and made sure that all her stuff made it with her.

He had called his mom and his mom picked up Ashtin and Spencer on Friday afternoon when they got off the bus.

He had totally packed me..which is scary shit for me…shoes, clothes, panties, bras..everything but the best part is...

He had snuck in my make up drawer and made a list of every brand of every kind of make up I have and when he went to Walgreens earlier in the week he had purchased a duplicate of all makeup and hairspray and even the SAME CURLING IRON that I use and packed it away so he could simply show up and wisk me away on an airplane to NYC.

He had planned the whole weekend out and worked SOO SOO hard to do this for me.

The ring that he purchased was bought at the damn Wal Mart for 40 bucks and was cubic zirconia and was purchased to throw me off and BECAUSE HE IS A MEAN ASS MOTHERFUCKER.

When we got in the car he told me this and between sobbing I said "SO, DOES THAT MEAN I DON'T HAVE TO WEAR IT ANYMORE"

The clothes that were missing were in the suitcase and the clothes that McKenna was missing were in Jimmy's car headed to Gran Sissy's for the weekend.

My boss was in on it, most of my friends were in out and everyone close to me knew but ME..including Ashtin and Spencer.

What a blast…

I told you he was THE MOST FABULOUS HUSBAND EVER.

He really is. This was so well thought out, I just can't even explain to you how hard it is to pull one over on me but he did it.

Anyway, there you have it. Hope I didn't bore you to death.
:)

link | posted by Pissy Britches at Tuesday, September 26, 2006

29 Comments:

Lori commented at 1:16 PM~: OMG! That is so sweet it made me cry.

How wonderful that he planned and pulled that off!
Anonymous commented at 3:03 PM~: Delurking to say WOW! Nice Hubby!

Your husband could write a "How to Romance the pants off your Wife" book, make millions and afford to buy you that ring you want as well! You wouldn't even have to wait for an anniversary! I would buy my hubby a copy!
Tina commented at 3:58 PM~: You do have a great husband....you bitch ass.
Pissy Britches commented at 5:13 PM~: Yes..he is a very good man.
I am lucky in that regard..not so lucky in a lot of others.
Such as life..everyone has something they are unhappy with but Mr. Pissy is not one of those things in my life.
Which I am happy about b/c lord knows I dont need another thing to be pissy about on a daily basis.
Summer commented at 5:21 PM~: You're still a HAB and I'm in love with your husband. Oh wait, who is this? Ha! Wonderful story! I'm glad you had a good time!
Anonymous commented at 6:47 PM~: Yeah for Mr Pissy!

Ok, so I'll have my honey call your honey, mmkay?

He soo needs to do somethin like this. It's a guarantee that I'll get naked for this shit. I think.
Shelli commented at 7:16 PM~: Does he have a brother?

Shit, i'm moving down there! wtf?

BIATCH!
Teri commented at 7:40 PM~: I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girl, don't ever let that one go.
SassyFemme commented at 8:14 PM~: OMG, he is fucking amazing! Way to go!!!
Reighnie commented at 10:23 PM~: I've been reading your blog for awhile now and I just had to say how sweet and thoughtful and what a wonderful surprise!

I almost cried as I read it. You deserve it and the Wal-Mart ring is hilarious.
Kate Giovinco Photography commented at 10:36 PM~: OMG that post was not boring at all, I had a smile on my face the whole time. I love the bubble gum machine ring comment that had me laughing out loud. That Mr. Pissy is one incredible man, you are so lucky!
Finelly commented at 10:45 PM~: Bored...are you kidding?! I couldn't stop reading!
That is the most romantic shit ever!
I actually teared up a bit reading it. I bet my eyes are green with envy too!
Lucky girl.
Kami commented at 10:29 AM~: I'm so fucking lame that I AM CRYING. DAMN MR. PISSY! DAMN HIM!!!!!

THAT IS SOOOOO FUCKING AWESOME. I hope he got some out of the deal. ;) ;)

PICTURES. His ass better have packed the damn camera. Shit.

Oh, bitch, the Blog Blowout date has changed. Your ass is coming.
dashababy commented at 2:27 PM~: Sheesh, Thanks for making us all cry. Dayam. That was good. I am impressed, I mean super impressed. Your husband is awesome. Good goin' Mr. Pissy.
This was a great post Steph. I totally felt for you as you explained looking for your shit and that awful bubble gum ring. OMG. I woulda been so pissed too. Poor baby.
I hope you had a fun time. Your hubby is awesome.
pack of 2 commented at 3:49 PM~: Awww... that is so sweet...you made me cry though...what a great story.

Can't believe someone didn't ruin the surprise!!!

That is great Pissy!

Happy Anniversary!!

Shelly
Pissy Britches commented at 4:47 PM~: You guys are just THE BEST.
I am glad you enjoyed the story....
Most of all I am sure Mr. Pissy is real proud of himself at this point.
I am sure it will be a LONG time before I get another suprise like this so don't get too jealous..I think he about worked himself to death trying to plan it all out.
dashababy commented at 5:41 PM~: I still can't believe he made a list of all your makeup and bought all of that for you AND the identical curling iron. Too sweet.
Firestarter5 commented at 9:07 PM~: A most excellent post

...I still have no idea what his new job is though....
Chickie commented at 7:55 AM~: How completely amazing! The buying your makeup in duplicate floored me! He didn't leave anything to chance, eh?
Pissy Britches commented at 1:25 PM~: Firestarter-I assume you mean the job he just started..but I am a retard so set me straight if that is not what you meant.
His official title is Senior Systems Engineer..whatever the f*ck that means.
Random and Odd commented at 3:47 PM~: I have tears rolling down my face.

I love you! I love hubby!!

*hug*
hemlock commented at 6:19 PM~: What a beautiful thing for him to do!! Happy anniversary Pissy. Hope it was a blast!!

I can't believe he took the time to get your EXACT make up, etc. What a wonderful guy!
Random and Odd commented at 12:08 AM~: Yeah. I think it was the exact make up that made me start bawling.
WILLIAM commented at 7:05 AM~: That is a great story. Did you keep the ring?
Susie commented at 9:53 AM~: ohmygosh! Where is Mr. Pissy's website; surely he gives husband classes? Truth, I saw it coming, the trip part. What I could not have imagined, what is beyond amazing is the going to WalMart and buying the make-up, etc. What man thinks of THAT?
Happy Anniversary to you both, and many, many more.
I think Kristine's right, Mr. Pissy may have usurped Shaun's place as the most hated man on the internet (by lazy husbands).
Melanie commented at 11:39 AM~: I am literally crying buckets. He did an amazing job. I am going to get my husband and make him read this right now!!!
Pissy Britches commented at 6:28 PM~: Thanks again guys.
I am recovering from it all this weekend..which will be my last free weekend for a long ass time.
Sigh.
I want to go back to fucking NYC.
Steph commented at 4:49 PM~: Wow how very sweet ! I had tears in my eyes. Glad it was fun...
Anonymous commented at 5:32 AM~: FUCKING GREAT STORY!!! Mr. Pissy rivals Mr. Wonderful here...but then, I'm not married to Mr. W (yet).

I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but I'd better go make coffee for my Mr. Wonderful... ;)

Happy anniversary!

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