MRS. PISSY BRITCHES

Saturday, December 30, 2006

This is what happens when you get old..like me..

You know how Kristine used to talk about her boob hair all the time..well I don't have boob hair (yet) but I do have chin hair, lip hair you know..all that annoying ugly shit on my face.

Well I always get the eyebrows waxed and have done it 100 times but I have never gotten anything else waxed and frankly the thought of doing so really FREAKS me the fuck out.

Well today I decided to let my little salon lady wax my horrendous mustach that I seem to have acquired and my chin b/c I swear I have to tweeze that bitch every 2 days at least. Since I had a kid I started getting these big ugly black hairs growing out of my chin and neck area..gross shit I know but I am just being truthful here. They look like cat wiskers or some shit and I am totally obsessed with plucking them out every chance I get. It isn't a whole bunch, just a few here and there and enough to drive me nucking futs. So anyways, I let her do my eyebrows first..which doesn't bother me at all and is in fact kinda therapuetic for me as fucked up as that sounds. Well then bitches she goes to do the mustache and I could tell that I was totally FUCKED when she was putting the wax on the upper lip b/c let me tell you...just that part was enough for me to say fuck this and get up and run outta that place. But I am no pussy so she told me to hold my lips like you would if you were blowing a dude and hold them as tight as possible..so looking like a total idiot this is what I did but she warned me several times that if I didn't hold them this way as tightly as possible that I would probably pass out. I thought I was gonna have an axiety attack.

So she does one side and all I can say is that shit HURT so bad. 30 years of mustache coming off my face was not cool mmmkay. It took everything I had to let her do the other side. Everything I had. Holllly shit.

Now I look like someone stuck super duper sticky maxi pads all over my face and yanked them all off like a million times.

I would show you a picture but I'm not gonna.

It is not pretty.

So my point is..if your lip hurts this bad when you get it waxed then ladies please tell me how you let someone do this to your VAG? For the life of me I think I would have a stroke if someone caused my VAG that kind of trama. Fuck that.

On another note I had to attend traffic school this morning for a speeding ticket I got several weeks ago. It sucked really bad. The instructor reminded me of a Southern Baptist preacher which is what I grew up listening to every Sunday so I know 1st hand what that is all about. He would talk silently and then get all loud and start yelling and shit. Which made me not real happy considering it was 8 in the morning and I had to get up at 6 to drive an hour to get there to pay him 50 bucks and listen to him for 4 hours. Whatever.

link | posted by Pissy Britches at Saturday, December 30, 2006

27 Comments:

Mind commented at 8:35 PM~: This made me snort Dr Pepper up my nose... it was hysterical!! Thank you as I needed it today! :)
Teri commented at 9:57 PM~: I think the idea of you turning into a cat because of the "whiskers" is cute. You should go with that story and not get your lip waxed again.

Just tell them to buy you some catnip for your troubles.
Monogram Queen commented at 10:02 PM~: Um I think I have heard RSG talk about a "monkey wax" i've never had one either and am VERY curious also. I believe I would pass out too.... RSG???
Sorry but I laughed a little at your apt description of the lip waxing...
Amber commented at 10:41 PM~: I can tell you from experience that your "VAG" is not the worst place. For me it was my armpits! By far! My best friend got her aesthetician's license last year and I let her practice on me.

I hate getting my hoo-ha (one of my pet names) waxed, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE post-waxing. I highly recommend it. However, I would never let someone convince you that shaving is the same thing. Because it's NOT!

My eyebrows are gigantic right now. Thanks for reminding me! LOL!
Kate Giovinco Photography commented at 11:42 PM~: waxing totally sucks!

I hate having hair besides on my head.

I do not know how anyone gets their area down south waxed. OUCH!
Arlene commented at 11:51 PM~: I have to take traffic school too, but I'm going to do it online! Screw listening to some jerk tell me how horrible I am all day!!

I've done the vag thing ONCE, and after the first strip, and the blood, yes blood, that followed, there was no more coming off!!!! Ever since then, anything that needs to be trimmed can be trimmed at home by my damn self!!
Summer commented at 6:33 AM~: So... when's your next appointment?
Charlotte in Pa commented at 9:49 AM~: At first I thought you were talking about paying the preacher $50. I was considering a career in the ministry...

Happy New Year!!
Pissy Britches commented at 11:26 AM~: No VAG waxin for me.
Ugh.
Elizabeth commented at 2:43 PM~: Girl I am laughing so hard that I can't even think of a comment.

The whole put your lips like you are blowing a guy almost made me pee.
Sheri & SuZan commented at 6:08 PM~: My salon never told me THAT when waxing the face...LMAO!

Waxing sucks!

But yes it sent me to fking Mars so I have gone to Nair and a paint brush...stinky but effective.
Anonymous commented at 8:58 PM~: OMG. You must be really good friends with your wax girl cause my girl has never explained it to me that way.
LOL!

You crack me up!
Margaret commented at 11:19 AM~: you are too funny...

no waxing for me EVER...lol

peace...
Kami commented at 2:51 PM~: All homegirl waxes are the brows. NO VAG WAXING HERE. OUCHIE. No fucking way in hell.
Shelli commented at 6:32 PM~: I was thinking of that when i was shaving the other day, how do ppl do that brazilian thing? OMG horrendous, how about the middle of your upper lip. ARRRGH makes me want to punch that wax lady right in the god damn face. One time the girl counted to three before pulling every strip, made me want to punch her square in the nose just before she said THREE. Jackass. wax the pubes? HELL FUCKEN no you gotta be some sadistic bitch to be able to withstand that.
argh!!
welcome to the wax world...once you do it now you can never stop! imagine how youd feel if you had to pluck all those hairs in your lip? fuck that.
CuteBeachGirl commented at 8:10 PM~: Oh, just wait till your upper lip gets red pimples all over it from it being your first time and all.
That's really gonna suck!
Renee commented at 8:21 PM~: OUCH but damn you had me laughing like usual! LMAO
Pissy Britches commented at 9:00 PM~: My lip is good, it is my chin that is fucked up.
It has fucking scabs all over it.
Nice.
Can you all say Happy New Year to me.
Dirty Little Secret........... commented at 8:28 PM~: Pissy you HAB!!! I dunno how anyone can get a brazilian, oh my god the thought of it makes me shiver. Not to mention laying there why while someone applies that hot wax to your private parts!
Unknown commented at 8:51 PM~: Holy shit.

Thanks for the laugh.

I mean, of course I'm laughing WITH you.

And yes, happy new year...
Anonymous commented at 9:34 PM~: happy new year back atcha, HAB!
And I personally keep my lovely mustache, as its appearance so far is less painful than the ONE TIME I got it waxed ;)

The hairs on the chin, I call them stray eyebrow hairs and I tweeze every other day as well. I'll tell you, as I told mi hija, never EVER use Nair (or any other dipilatory) on your chin or upper lip, because a week after that your lips and chin will look like someone just planted a zit-field there. not pretty.
Kathryn commented at 11:05 PM~: Well I've never had my lips on my face waxed, but I have had my coochie lips waxed. I will tell you this, the coochie does hurt a bit, the easiest part of the coochie wax is the butt part, that's no biggie. It's a little uncomfortable getting on your hands and knees with some chick standing behind you putting wax on your ass, but no pain.
Sometimes beauty is pain, girl. That's just it.
Pissy Britches commented at 8:32 AM~: RSG-That image in my head OH MY GOD.
NEVER EVER NEVER EVER NEVER.
I am not bending over FOR anybody except my husband and he is lucky if I do it for him.
Nope, notta..can't do it.
limpy99 commented at 4:22 PM~: This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
limpy99 commented at 4:24 PM~: "It's a little uncomfortable getting on your hands and knees with some chick standing behind you putting wax on your ass,"

Yes, yes it is.

Not that I'm speaking from personal experience, cuz I'm not. Totally. Not here, not me, nope.

Gee, I miss parochial school.
Charlotte in Pa commented at 7:42 AM~: I'm with CuteBeachGirl... the only time I had my upper lip done, it left me with what I named "The Bumpstache" - a whole line of giant bumps across my upper lip. And of course, the only reason I got waxed was because I had an event to go to. I'm sure that people that I got a STD from illicit sex. You know how we gays are.
Pissy Britches commented at 8:25 AM~: Charlotte-Shut up! You hooker.

I have to say that RSG wins the comment game for this post.
That one about made me piss myself/or vomit..I don't know which.

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